Maybe Goodbye
Tuesday, Apr. 08, 2008, 6:02 p.m.

(Yesterday) Day 1: 225mgs
Day 2: 225mgs
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I'm going to start keeping a log of my decrease in meds to keep track of how I'm decreasing and if it's at an ok rate. I'm determined to do this the responsible way. I feel I'm mentally competent enough to be med-free and since I can't convince my doctor then I'll have to do it myself. Afterall I have a right to refuse meds and/or treatment.

I feel like I'm at my breaking point in my life. I can't continue down this path. I'd rather not go into the details of why, but it has nothing to do with my mom at all.

I e-mailed a close friend and asked if I could stay with her for a few days since we've been trying too anyway. We had plans but my wallet got stolen so I couldn't go at that time.

I feel so trapped and helpless and I can't take it anymore, so I'm hoping that my friend will let me stay with her for a bit. I am leaving for good.

I mean grabbing some clothes and my computer and phone book and purse and hopping on a bus and leaving for good. I am going to change my e-mail account, address for my gov documents, cancel my current cell, be untraceable gone! I feel like I'm headed for another mental break down, but I know that I need to start rebuilding my life from scratch... Everything is such a mess! I can't take being a failure anymore. I need to pick myself up and dust myself off and go off the path of misery. I need to find a new one. A better one.

Yes, I'm a coward and a quitter and selfish and whatever else you can think of. I am not proud of myself regardless of whether I stay or leave, but I want to rebuild myself and my life into something that I can be proud of.

If I do then I'm going to leave this diary and start fresh in a new one. One with no record of my past.

A fresh start a fresh diary that's what I need!

Yesterday - Tomorrow

Relocation

Ready

I'm So Sick and Tired!!!

Maybe Goodbye

Scared I Won't Find Placement! Eeep!